FISH MAN CELEBRATES EU QUOTA DEAL

No. 165 JAN 2021

POLITIKAL POKES

By Lobbytroll

 

FOOTBALL CRAZY
I love watching football and have just watched two thrilling, entertaining cup-ties on TV, but what the fuck? All that face-to-face kissy-kissy goal celebrating? What kind of message is that sending out to people who are being asked to behave super-cautiously?
I'm getting madder than hell about this. Famous Footballers can change government policy but these influencers and role models are sending out all the absolutely wrong signals. If they can sell crisps to children, why not common sense? Come on Premiership - tell them to stop doing it. Top class professional footballers like nothing more than making up elaborately triumphant mimes. Just tell them it's time to start doing their bit with some imaginative Covid 19-style celebrations.
 

MEANWHILE IN PM QUEUES.......

Boris "Build Back Better" Johnson squirms like a maggot on a hot shovel trying to claim, as usual, that black is white, wrong is right and that the UK is a bottomless well of world-beating standards and technological innovation.

EXCUSE ME?

Asked about Brexit's rapid, tragic effect on the fishing and entertainment industries, he woffled that "alas, some fishermen are, er er, experiencing ah, um, problems....", whilst completely avoiding the dread subject of entertainer's livelihoods.

As a well-known artist friend of mine pointed out, "Not many people connected with the arts vote conservative"

 

IT'S THE STUPID, STUPID.

isn’t it about time the government (sic) stopped regarding the Great British Public as mature, responsible and over endowed with common sense and started treating them as what they are; recalcitrant 7-year-olds with short attention spans and a penchant for believing in fairies?

 

WOODSTOCK SYNDROME

If everyone who claimed they were  at Yasgur's Farm in 1969 were speaking the truth, the actual attendance at Woodstock would have been in the millions. “Oh yes I was there” they say and who are you to contradict? It was a large crowd let’s face it.

Now that the faeces has finally collided with the air conditioner, would anyone now even own up to voting for Brexit or any other get rich quick scheme proposed by this gang of inept pickpockets and political vagrants?

“Of course I voted remain!” the new Woodstock generation will tell you. Look out for this new strain of self-deluded revisionists  as the Brexit nightmare sinks in.

They slept through the fire alarm, and now they've "woken up" to find themselves trapped in a burning building.

 

I believe Jacob Reese-Mogg has a view on this.

 

MESSAGE TO EAST SUSSEX

FROM COVID-19 PLC

Trading as Coronavirus

The board of directors of Covid-19 PLC would like to extend their heartfelt thanks to the anti-vaxxers. anti-maskers and radical reality-deniers whose bold quest for “personal freedom” combined with  wilful ignorance and an unquenchable desire for shameless narcissistic self publicity has made our job so much easier. Now that we have properly arrived in your area we look forward to your custom.

See you at the ICU!

TRUMP HITLER PARDON TWEET

@therealdonaldtrump

Great guy, very great. Never got the hair right. Stole a lot of my ideas, but I forgive him. That's the kind of guy I am.

 

FREE SPEECH OR FREE LUNCH?

I wonder how many advocates of "free speech" would turn down the opportunity to pop back to the 1930s and shut Hitler up? Still, I suppose 75 million deaths is a small price to pay for the opportunity to "express yourself" on"social media", ain't it?

 

BREXIT THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS

By Patrick Carabine

 

All Mimsy were

The Boris, Gove,

Nigel, Jacob (Slithy-Tove),

Their Ja ist nein

their grosse ist kleine

their je ne sais quoi

underlined.

Their no’s are yesses

feeble guesses

beamish boys with

dyed blond tresses

Four Brexiteers

two gins, two beers

Eton messes

pigs in dresses

wallowing in

their worst excesses

 

PRITI SHAMELESS

No sign of Home Secretary Priti Patel at PMQs, to explain her department's collossal, scandalous loss of criminal data, including fingerprint and DNA records. Jerry-built IT systems which the government is so fond of will be reluctantly blamed. No sanctions will follow.

 

Lobbytroll would like to hereby disassociate itself from any suggestion that a disgruntled Home Office employee, their lives made an insufferable misery by Patel's relentless pathological power trip, might perhaps have "accidentally" pressed delete

 

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