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NEW PUBLICATION HITS WEB

New online publication THE  VAXXUUM promises an editorial policy dedicated to the propagation of bullshit, baseless speculation and scaremongering. Highly trained dinner party journalists will pool their ample research in order to frighten the living daylights out of its readers, and from there via social media, the general public. “Lets face it,” Editor Reg Catweasel told our media correspondent Qanon Spoonbender: “so-called mainstream journalism and its obsession with verifiable facts, is dead. What the public craves is unsubstantiated, easily digestible nonsense which, with minimal effort, allows them to sit around like knobs pretending to know about stuff.” Mr.Catweasel promised an end to articles which depended on what he called the "outmoded idea of evidence based science".  

“We plan to give our readers what they want, which is spurious rumour and popular social media tropes", he continued, "For example our first issue will deal with the shadowy world of 5G and its carefully planned side effect Covid-19. We will show that this plandemic was probably developed by billionaires Bill Gates and George Soros, in order to boost the Wall Street fortunes of their sinister vaccination company VaxUlike, whose aim is to implant subcutaneous microchips in the unsuspecting general population, creating a race of compliant zombie-bots".

Besides news and current affairs, The Vaxxuum will also feature a comprehensive food section, edited by anagrammatic TV chef Gok Wan.

WINTER SUNDERLAND

Skating fans will be aware that the promised Hastings Winter Wonderland will not now feature the country's first ever pier-based real ice rink. The much-anticipated event had excited great interest and many tickets were already sold. Hastings Borough Council, who were working closely with the pier management, were informed by them that the ice rink 'would no longer be proceeding’ and that full refunds would be applied. It would appear that further explanations have been unforthcoming from HBC or the pier management, leaving the public somewhat dumbfounded and not a little disappointed.
In our opinion it would be not only inappropriate but also quite wrong to suggest that the pier's 'team' were, on the evidence accrued during their stewardship, incapable of directing a shit into a bucket with any degree of accuracy, or worse, that those in charge of the pier's running and maintenance are incompetent feather-brained wankers. I would suggest to anyone mistakenly voicing those suspicions, that they should retract them immediately and wash out their mouths with soap and water.

HASTINGS SCOOPS DESIGN AWARD
BOLD 'RED WALL' WINS RECORD SECOND STIRLING PRIZE

The 2021 Riba StIrling Prize for outstanding public architectural design has gone to Hastings for the second time in three years. In a bold scheme on an important stretch of the seafront. East Sussex County Council and Hastings Borough Council have combined to produce what has been described as "a visual feast" and "the perfect eyesore". The scheme involved the removal of the car parking bays which served those Hastings businesses lining the road, and the erection in their place of a 'startlingly innovative' dayglo red moulded plastic fence, which some observers have compared to The Great Wall of China.

 

The Riba judges praised the councils for going "above and beyond" in their "campaigning, galvanising and organising of local support".

They also praised the eye-jarring structure "for its remarkable use of unsustainable materials" and said that other councils "should take inspiration" from the project.

This year's judges included local journalist Robert Dulle, the blind poet Cuthbert Spoon, punk flower arranger Dave Bastard, author of Wake Up and Smell the Compost, and theatre critic Wilfred Hyde-Woke.

 

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